The non-partnering trajectory experiment

Quirkyalone. Ever heard of it? Dumb-sounding word but a very interesting idea.

Quirkyalones are people who enjoy being single, but are not opposed to being in a relationship. They prefer being single to forming relationships for the sake of it, or being in relationships which involve sacrificing an essential part of yourself. Quirkyalones are against compulsory dating, ‘settling’ or making an all-consuming hobby of finding someone. They tend to prioritise friendships, over romantic relationships and value their solitude. Quirkyalone-ness is illustrated by the book of the same title. It is a light commentary, humorously delivered and not self-help or instructional.

I identified quite firmly with the portrait of the Quirkyalone. I’d not given much thought before to the automatic coupling-trajectory so many of us assume in our twenties. Choosing to be single, and being single without looking, didn’t really occur to me. You were either coupled (to whatever degree), or you were looking to be. And then when you were, the next step was cohabitation.

Discovering Quirkyalone prompted me to think about this assumed trajectory and what my ideal alternative might be. This is what I dreamed up:
1. Presuming that single-ness is my usual resting state, partnering is not a goal nor a preferred lifestyle.
2. Partnerships are presumed to be impermanent and occupy a distinct ‘chunk’ of your life. They should not significantly erode or contaminate other parts of your life.
3. Friendships are the real long-term staple of your social interaction diet, rather than partners. They are presumed to be typically more enduring. I equally expect a partner to prioritise their friendships.
4. ‘Dating for sport’ – Dating without the intention of forming a relationship. If one happens, that’s ok. But dating is firstly just a vehicle for meeting people and being exposed to stuff you might not have otherwise encountered. You’d just need to be honest about that at first instance. Oh, and because we all need to have sex from time to time.
5. Non-cohabitation – I think nothing kills the fun faster than living together. It seems to get un-special really quickly when you don’t have to make an effort to see one another. When you have to wake up next to someone, rather than choosing to. When money, housekeeping and apportioning your time corrupt what was once just about how much you liked each others’ company.

These preferences rest also on the assumption that I won’t be having children. Plainly, people who would like to have kids will easily see the point of the ‘assumed trajectory’ I described earlier.

It’s an experiment in progress. Sadly, I can’t really say I’ve fully tested these ideas. As described in my earlier post, there are no single people in Canberra, except me, so the fourth point is largely redundant! I’ve yet to test non-cohabitation too.

Imagine also the chances of meeting potential ‘non-partners’ who agree to join you on this alternative trajectory, voluntarily being in a relationship that ‘goes nowhere’ by conventional standards. I’m making things extra tough for myself here, aren’t I?

Your thoughts?